RSS Feed

The Day I Was the Worst Mom Ever

Confession: There was a day I was the worst mom ever.

At least that’s what I told myself. It all started with an unmatched pair of socks. For whatever reason, I couldn’t find a pair of socks that matched for the kids. (This was before I bought the mega size packages of plain white socks. Or several packages. All white. You get the picture.) I had little white socks with pink hearts, or little pink socks with white hearts. There were rainbow socks and lace socks, but NONE of them had a match. Yes… I was THAT behind on laundry. All the matched socks were dirty. (This was also before any of my kids had ever re-worn a pair socks.) In a moment of frustration, I told myself what a horrible mom I was. “Bad Mom” is all I could think. In everything I tried to do, I found something negative about myself. The mantra in my head became “You are the worst mom ever!”

The negativity spiraled into a vortex of one angry mom quickly loosing her patience with the kids. The kids would then loose their patience with each other and everyone would walk around grumpy. For days, all I did was focus on what a failure I was. I spent so much time brooding, I didn’t get other important things done. The list of my faults and failures was really adding up.

Knowing my life at that time, the list probably included items such as:

  • forgetting to sweep
  • not picking up cherrios off the unswept floor before my husband got home and realized the kids were eating them
  • forgetting to switch the clothes to the dryer and having to rewash them- again
  • burning toast
  • forgetting an ingredient for dinner
  • yelling at the kids until someone cried
  • speaking mean words to my husband

All, in all, the list is not ideal, but also not worthy of total failure. It was a sad, negative cycle that left me feeling like the worst mom ever. That phrase is exactly what I spoke over  myself until I believed it, and in believing it I lived it.

One day I decided the only way to stop living like that was to – just stop. Start speaking words of truth – even if I didn’t believe it. So where do you find that truth? When your mantra is negative and thoughts of yourself are lower than low, where do you find the encouraging, positive words?  The Creator of all the positive words. The Creator of You.

Psalm 139:12-14

12 Even the darkness is not dark to You,
And the night is as bright as the day.
Darkness and light are alike to You.

13 For You formed my inward parts;
You wove me in my mother’s womb.
14 I will give thanks to You, for

I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

Wonderful are Your works,
And my soul knows it very well.

I didn’t stop thinking those thoughts overnight, it took years before I actually believed I wasn’t a failure. (I can be stubborn that way!) But it happened. I woke up one day and the thought of me being the worst mom ever made me laugh. I realize it was easier to stay stuck in “I’m the worst” so I didn’t have to strive to be the best. I could be lazy because that’s what bad moms did. Once I started to believe I was WORTH being the best mom, I started to live it. Laziness and mistakes did not equal unworthiness. I began to look at the things I messed up as just that – mess ups. Now, instead of brooding over mess ups, I put them behind me and allow them to teach me how to improve.

What about you? What is YOUR mantra?

Advertisements

About Kimberly Vogel

I am a mom of four beautiful daughters, a writer, and a certified Early Childhood and Elementary Teacher who recently made the switch from teaching in a classroom to teaching her children at home. I am often found in the children’s area of my church where I volunteer and lead a children’s program. Writing is a natural outpouring of my love for my Savior. Follow along while I share my journey as a bridge builder with you. My prayer is that you start building bridges too!

4 responses »

  1. Been there, done that, Kim! I often tell myself the lie that I’m “not good enough” for whatever it is I feel challenged to do. When I catch myself believing that lie, I try to counter it with “Who says?” and apply scriptures like the ones you’ve quoted here.
    Great post! Thanks!

    Reply
  2. Wow! You go through this, too? I thought it was only me. I feel so inadequate so often! I have to pray my way out of the “bad mom blues” quite a lot. Only by reminding myself I have worth in Christ outside of my performance as a mother am I able to pull myself out. Stress always makes it worse, but I manage, by the grace of God alone, to get through it.

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: